The Flurry Blog

I  am always surprised to discover what people value most in a blog post.  You never know what people are going to enjoy reading and thus comment or spread.  I really find it amusing that some of the posts that were actually knee jerk reactions, written in a few moments, actually ended up being the best conversation starters.  So here are my posts from this year that had the most conversations.  After all it is simply about community.

• Filtering Your Tweets
  

This one was interesting.  I never realized this would be a hot topic.  I still believe we need to have our own filters.  I still use the ones mentioned here.  @lessallan ‘s response and reaction blog post was the most interesting.

• Folding when the taking is still hot.
  

I was accused by a friend of using scare tactics to get restaurants to use new media in the midst of the downturn.  That really was not my intention.  I came from a restaurant family.  My father started his career way back with Sambo’s in Santa Barbara and eventually founded Shari’s Restaurants.  Restaurant owners have a special place in my heart and the tools at their hands are simply amazing.

• A guide rather than an expert: navigating social media
  

This is probably my favorite post from the year.  With the glut of “experts” we are all getting good at spotting the snake oil and those that sell it.  Luckily I have been able to become friends with people who are genuine guides.  We are even talking about starting a Social Media Brigade of sorts.

• All the news that’s tailored to read
  

Getting my news in a way that I feel is efficient and effective is still a work in progress for me.  I am using google reader more these days, and I have to admit that I still get most of my articles from either twitter or facebook.  I trust my friends to bring me the headlines instead of CNN.

• Why Ning, Why Now
  

I continue to be passionate about tribes.  Helping others build community or find a nascent tribe is still what I enjoy most.  Ning is still the most powerful tool for organizations to mobilize their followers.  I am curious what will emerge in 2010 though.

Let me know your favorites.

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The kindness of strangers by Ed Yourdon used under creative commons license from flickr

I could go in so many directions with this topic.  This last part was the hardest for me to write. We have covered shutting up and focusing, but being a good listener eventually boils down to action.  Action indicates to the other person that you have actually heard them.  However, sometimes the best action is to do nothing.

So you have actually heard what the other person has said.  Now it is your turn.  Most likely they will give you a chance to act.  The action required of you depends on the conversation.  Did they ask your advice? Did someone post a blog and end with a question?  They are prompting you for a response, so turn up the value meter and act.  We all have something to say, but is it of any use?

I asked one of my best friends and mentors, Rick Herbert to chime in on the topic and he nailed it.  Here is what he had to say:

So Action – To Act or not to Act, may be trite but true… does this conversation provoke or require more than words? Is there something I need to do, for this person with whom I have been listening? After hearing their point of view, their concerns, their information, what do I need to do? Purposeful action is determined in the context of the conversation.

Converstaion – convesari is the Latin root.  It means “to live with,” “to keep company with,” “to dwell upon,” “to move to and fro,” and “to turn oneself about.”

Since Conversing is much more than words, we must listen to one’s life and internal movements in order to engage in their lives… we determine our purposeful response based partly on their life and words and partly on what we choose to say, to do or even merely to be in the context of that information.

I have been moved to tears because of conversation.  I have been moved to acts of charity or compassion due to conversation.  I have chosen to become a different person based on what I’ve seen and heard in others.

Purposeful action – always! Regardless of my awareness of reasoning, there is always some compulsion…

Wow, I could not have said it better.  Thanks Rick.  So there you have it. Act.

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We have all had it happen to us (and I am guilty of doing it to others).  You are at a conference where you have just been introduced to someone, or you are having coffee with a friend. They ask you a question and before you get far with your response they are looking over your shoulder past you, scanning the room for someone more interesting, powerful or better looking. Sometimes it happens between friends. It is just rude.

The most important person in the world is always the one right in front of us. We have to focus.  Without it we are not listening.

My son is into astronomy and we found this great site that allows us to look through live powerful telescopes around the world. Every time it aims at a star cluster or galaxy it takes about 3-5 minutes before the faint light can be gathered and the details of the object come into full view.  Suddenly colors emerge and its shape becomes defined.  It’s the same with people. You will never really hear them or learn from them if you don’t take the time and focus on what they are saying.

A friend recently helped a speaker put on a weekend retreat.  At dinner before the first session the speaker asked my friend to tell him a bit about his story.  What my friend noticed was this man’s intense focus.  He listened to my friend as if he was the only one in the world for that moment.

If we take the time, we will be surprised how fascinating every person we meet truly is.  Without focus we will constantly be missing out.  How many relationships could you build, what trust could you establish by applying this simple principle?

If you missed it here is the first part in the series: Shut up, stop talking and really listen.

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That is something my mother always taught us not to say.  It fits here though.  I find that the best listeners are quiet. To some people (I’ll admit I am one) they seem to not be interested in what we are saying.  We are accustomed to others interrupting us as well as diving in to the joint-pontification we all easily participate in.  Really though, they know when to shut up and listen.  If you watch they are often nodding or offering small interjections, showing us they are tracking with us.  Whether you are communicating in a marriage or friendship, the first key is putting a stop to both the flow of your own mouth as well as your mind.  Have you ever been caught not listening after someone has told you a story? I have, and it was usually due to the fact that I was either formulating my response or I was lost in the busyness of my thoughts.  Both of these quickly show we are not listening and usually form an opinion in the other persons mind.  It forms mis-trust and leads to walls in our communication.

In online communication it is important to stop and watch before you engage.  Read through a blog as well as the comments before commenting yourself.  Ask yourself (and this works in any form of communication) if your contribution will offer any value.  If not, then choose to wait or even move on to a more relevant conversation. You are a vital part of the conversation. You have great things to contribute.  Wait and listen first, shut up until you can’t stand it any longer.  Doing this allows us to get a clear picture. Once we shut up we can then move on to the next step. I’ll write about that next: Focus: interpretation and active acknowledgment. Of course this is a huge subject. As I post this series I want to hear your input and stories.

• Part 1: Shut Up: Stop talking and really listen

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