Shut Up: stop talking and really listen
That is something my mother always taught us not to say. It fits here though. I find that the best listeners are quiet. To some people (I’ll admit I am one) they seem to not be interested in what we are saying. We are accustomed to others interrupting us as well as diving in to the joint-pontification we all easily participate in. Really though, they know when to shut up
and listen. If you watch they are often nodding or offering small interjections, showing us they are tracking with us. Whether you are communicating in a marriage or friendship, the first key is putting a stop to both the flow of your own mouth as well as your mind. Have you ever been caught not listening after someone has told you a story? I have, and it was usually due to the fact that I was either formulating my response or I was lost in the busyness of my thoughts. Both of these quickly show we are not listening and usually form an opinion in the other persons mind. It forms mis-trust and leads to walls in our communication.
In online communication it is important to stop and watch before you engage. Read through a blog as well as the comments before commenting yourself. Ask yourself (and this works in any form of communication) if your contribution will offer any value. If not, then choose to wait or even move on to a more relevant conversation. You are a vital part of the conversation. You have great things to contribute. Wait and listen first, shut up until you can’t stand it any longer. Doing this allows us to get a clear picture. Once we shut up we can then move on to the next step. I’ll write about that next: Focus: interpretation and active acknowledgment. Of course this is a huge subject. As I post this series I want to hear your input and stories.
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John – really valuable post…I'll send it to my folks. One one hand, I'm blessed to have been taught this. As a discipline, I do it actively…shut up. But even then, doesn't always mean I”m listening. For me I have to address my heart…and truly care. Whether in my marriage, on a phone call, or reading a blog. Thanks for pointing out the elephant in the room. I'm doing a class tomorrow on personal selling skills. This…is one of them! So I'll reference you.
Shaun McLane, JobShoots. JobShoots said: Shut Up: stop talking and really listen http://bit.ly/6CbzPM #news #socialmedia [...]
Kevin, as you said, we have to care, and I think you are right, it is a discipline. Thanks for sharing it!
Love the line, shut up till you can't stand it any longer! Great post. Lemme think where I've heard this before, it goes something like “Quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger…” Grrrrr I'm bad at all three of these! Thanks for the encouragement John.
While I have been thinking of this series mostly in regards to building trust in biz, I find most of my communication lessons are learned from friends and my wife. Sometimes I think we treat strangers way better than those closest to us. Thanks Kevin.
I was thinking of that line and your reply while writing the most recent part. A while back (since I always have something to say) I decided to hold my tongue in conversations until it drove me nuts. I found that the silence allowed others to give input and it often was exactly what I would have said. Plus, always being the dominant one in a conversation lends itself too easily to being the topic bully or know it all.