Listening Part 2: Focus
We have all had it happen to us (and I am guilty of doing it to others). You are at a conference where you have just been introduced to someone, or you are having coffee with a friend. They ask you a question and before you get far with your response they are looking over your shoulder past you, scanning the room for someone more interesting, powerful or better looking. Sometimes it happens between friends. It is just rude.
The most important person in the world is always the one right in front of us. We have to focus. Without it we are not 
listening.
My son is into astronomy and we found this great site that allows us to look through live powerful telescopes around the world. Every time it aims at a star cluster or galaxy it takes about 3-5 minutes before the faint light can be gathered and the details of the object come into full view. Suddenly colors emerge and its shape becomes defined. It’s the same with people. You will never really hear them or learn from them if you don’t take the time and focus on what they are saying.
A friend recently helped a speaker put on a weekend retreat. At dinner before the first session the speaker asked my friend to tell him a bit about his story. What my friend noticed was this man’s intense focus. He listened to my friend as if he was the only one in the world for that moment.
If we take the time, we will be surprised how fascinating every person we meet truly is. Without focus we will constantly be missing out. How many relationships could you build, what trust could you establish by applying this simple principle?
If you missed it here is the first part in the series: Shut up, stop talking and really listen.
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I've got a process question. How do you say so much in such a short post? Does it come naturally to you or is there a way that you organize your thoughts and edit your posts to shorten them. I appreciate when bloggers can do this cause it seems to respect the fact that we all are inundated with so much info. You give us something valuable to think about quickly. I appreciate it.
I am always finding I need to practice the idea of this post at home the most. I can really easily miss my wife cause I'm only half listening to her. Thanks for the encouragement.
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by John Bergquist, Chris Repp. Chris Repp said: RT @johnflurry Listening Part 2: Focus http://bit.ly/8CCokl Thanks for another thought provoking post, John. [...]
Great analogy. I have to be careful not too look at my watch…and ignore my phone, when talking with someone.
The watch, distractions in the room, reading multiple blogs at once. There are way too many distractions, are there not?
Chris, every one of my posts usually start out at least twice as long, if not triple. I just keep focusing and cutting. I love the scene from a river runs through it where the Norman's father is teaching brevity. He keeps saying “half as long”.
I agree. I have to practice these listening principle at home the most. We can so easily miss those we love the most through familiarity or assumption.
I find this is my biggest flaw when speaking to customers on the phone (especially long-winded conference calls). One of my goals for 2010 is to never have to say, “I'm sorry, can you repeat that” because I wasn't 100% focused on the speaker.
Tim. That is so true with me as well. The ear burn from a long conference call is too familiar. I hate having to ask and admit I was not listening. Good point.
John
Tim. That is so true with me as well. The ear burn from a long conference call is too familiar. I hate having to ask and admit I was not listening. Good point.
John